Open Marriage

Open Marriage

How do I feel about the open marriage culture? To be honest I find it unfair. Why should one be able to sleep with whoever they want and be still classified as married or tied down? I think the whole purpose of marriage is to be completely faithful to one, and only one person. And what happens if one person gets feelings for another person and decides to divorce their spouse? Do they then marry a new spouse and continue the lifestyle? Why not then stay single? And prevent having to be tied down to one person. The couple should just be swingers and stay single.

I understand that in the Stone Age, being monogamous was probably unheard of. However we have developed as a species to experience jealousy. If we could sleep with whoever we wanted there would be no purpose for marriage, and jealousy would almost always be a factor. 

To be completely honest I think open marriage is caused by either one member of the relationships selfishness or one member being a push over. It is not fair to one person in almost every situation. One man wrote a book on open marriage and in his 30 years of counselling open marriages, not one out of 5000 marriages had longevity like non open marriages. 

I hope my marriage is like my grandparents marriage. Long, happy, stable and full of triumphs over conflict. I hope to be married only once and put my 100% into making it work. If my effort isn’t enough I would go to marriage counselling for as long as possible and only if my spouse broke it off would I allow the marriage to end. It takes a great deal of commitment to make a marriage last, and it’s not an easy road, but it is a battle I would go into whole heartedly. 

Intergenerational Change Activity

My family is quite different from my grandparents’ families. I have only one sibling a mom and a dad whereas all of my grandparents had no less that 5 siblings. I think society used to be a lot more family orientated then it is today. In the present it seems like society is mainly concerned with instant gratification, popularity, and wealth which changes the whole dynamic of the family. My family is also different in that my sister and I did not grow up on a farm or in the country, where a lot of work was required to uphold the household. My grandparents all lived on farms at least in their early childhood. This caused them to be the hard, determined workers that are an asset in any work force. I sometimes wish that I had grown up on a farm so that I could value the importance of hard work. I have a very strong work ethic already, but knowing what it’s like to work super hard every day, would come in handy when I enter the work force. 

Kinship, Continuity, and Change

        Kin is the relation to someone by love or marriage. My family is very complex and I would like to take this section to try and explain my whole family to you! Okay so there is my mom and dad, simple enough, then it gets complicated. My dad was adopted as a baby, and recently met his biological mother. This means that I have 2 sets of grandparents on my dad’s side of the family. Next we have my mom’s mom who was also adopted. So in total I have 4 sets of grand/great grandparents. I have 5 aunts and 2 uncles, and so many cousins I cannot begin to count. For many years members of my extended family lived with us (this resembles the pre-modern family according to William Goode). We are all very close; however the members that live far away are seen the least. I love all my family and I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it weren’t for the extensive unit I call family. I have grown up around many different opinions, personalities, and values. This forces me to have an open mind, and appreciate everyone’s ideas. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. My grandparents all came from extremely large families of many siblings, creating this massive network that I am a part of.

Macrosystem theories

There are 3 macrosystem theories that were discussed in class. The first is the conflict theory which basically says that we are always in conflict and there will always be a winner/loser. Engels wrote a book about the family and the state, and talked about how hunter-gatherers turned into agricultural society. Then to fix sexual exclusivity and transfer of wealth, they got married. 

The next macrosystem theory is feminism. Feminism has been around since the 20th century and is forever changing its view. So far there are 4 waves of feminism, and I am sure there will be more to come. The fourth wave is interesting to me because it is about a global effort to build peace. Which I thought was the view or other theories, and even some political parties. 

The final macro-system theory is the ecological theory which talks about the balance of society and its need to balance itself out. 

If I could add a theory it would be the hippie theory. This theory would talk about the importance of relaxation and meditation. It would ensure that everyone got a massage once a week for free! Society would value the importance of kindness, and open mindedness. Society would also value the land, and put a complete end to drugs and alcohol except marijuana! :)

The World's Strictest Parents

“The World’s Strictest Parents”? More like the good parenting versus lazy parenting.

This video basically shows that if you set boundaries and follow through with them, your children will behave. It also makes a mockery of the parents that couldn’t raise their kids properly. This video once again confirms my beliefs about parents in the present; their lack of effort. Contemporary parents are more likely to try and be their child’s friend as opposed to their parent. In this TV show traditional parenting ultimately prevails. A blend of the two parenting styles would result in a more friendly relationship with the children. However children do not need a friend; they have plenty at school, they need a parent to set rules.

Inclusive Definitions

Inclusive definitions avoid the term "normal families" as being a mom, dad, and child. Instead they use the term family to describe the wide variety of possibilities that can be considered a family. Anywhere from same sex marriages, to open marriages with children etc is considered a family. It examines all relationships, where a feeling of connection is present. I felt silly when Rob stated that all Disney families aren’t nuclear families. After all my years of watching Disney movies, one would think I would have noticed this trend already. I would think that being such a big corporation, responsible for so many children’s films, they would try to create a stereotypical nuclear family.  

Brene Brown

I have written about Brene Brown before but wanted to expand my opinion on her thoughts, and studies. Brene talks about vulnerability and its effect on personal happiness. She emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to mess up, and to not be perfect all the time. If you are constantly living in fear of messing up, you never allow yourself the opportunity for happiness. Also you must believe you are worth of belonging. When you believe you are worthy of belonging you find compassion, connection and whole-heartedness.

One aspect of Brene’s speech that intrigued me was the idea of selective numbing. Selective numbing is the idea that when you’re upset or have deep seeded issues, you try to numb the sadness you are experiencing. However this is not possible. When you engage in drugs or alcohol you numb not only all emotions, but cognitive and motor functioning as well. I find it extremely sad when emotionally damaged individuals engage in risky behavior to try and numb their sorrow. I have a friend that had a terrible childhood, and found it absolutely necessary to get drunk to the point of blackout every weekend to cope with sadness.

In the long run, dealing with your problems by use of substances, or risky behavior is more damaging internally, then going to a professional to work through your problems. Substance use is only effective in the short term, where-as using constructive means is beneficial in the long term

Definition of Families

One concept that we talked in class was the phenomenological definition of the family. I really enjoy the movie Avatar and found it interesting to hear about it in my Fam class. The recurring saying “I see you”, in Avatar is the idea of looking at the world through one’s own eyes. Seeing someone as they are not as society defines them. This is the idea of seeing someone not as a pretty face, or a collection of physical features, but there soul, and there inner person. I think this is something that people in North America have trouble doing. We often find it hard to work past outer flaws to see an inner person. 

Families

3 assumptions

1)   Families are primarily responsible for the reproduction and nurtured of children.

2)   Families are primarily responsible for the establishment of social identity.

3)   Families are the primary source of intimacy and need fulfillment.

I like these assumptions and think they should be guidelines for every parent. I also think parents should be responsible for teaching kids right from wrong, in regards to morals and the law. School can only teach kids so much, and often by the time a child enters school, they already have morals formed.

Shyness

I love this short film! Shyness is about 3 shy kids in elementary school, all who are shy. There are 2 boys and 1 girl. Then the video goes on to talk about the dangers of being shy, and how if you are shy as a child you will forever be doomed to a shy adulthood, alone, without friends or a partner. I find this quite amusing, seeing as there are many functional shy adults that do just fine, and have a partner.

When the video explores why the kids are shy it blames the parents for 2 out of 3. The 3^rd child is fine just the way he is, and would just rather be alone.

This video strongly supports my previous beliefs about bad parenting, and its effect on children. I think that almost all dysfunctional children are a direct result of bad parenting. Even if the child has a mental disorder, the parents should be responsible for getting help. I think parents nowadays are more concerned with being their children’s friend instead of a role model, and a rule setter. This results in kids that do not have boundaries, and are used to instant gratification. Therefore they partake in risky behaviors to satisfy that instant gratification. If it was up to me I would make sure all adults take a test before they have children. A parent certificate would be mandatory for all parents. :D