Eric Dishman: Take Healthcare off the Mainframe

This video really upset me because my grandmother is currently in the hospital due to a fall. I did not realize the conditions that seniors are put in until my grandmother was put in a home. She seemed to go very quickly downhill after she got put into the old folks home. My family thought she would receieve extensive care once we moved her into an extensive care home, but she fell all the same, and with an employee of the home in the very same room.

After I heard about this from my grandma it made me notice the commercials on T.V. more about elder abuse, and the campaigns going around the school. One campaign talked about how it is only required for seniors in homes to have a shower weekly, more if they feel like it. Once a week! I would be disgusted with myself if I only showered once a week.

I think we need to look at the people that are in homes and realize that they are our grandparents, parents, war veterens, volunteers, hard workers, honest, dependable people, and think seriously about the conditions they are exposed to after a life of hard work.

It really is disgusting and makes me not want to get old. I do not want to be put into those positions ever.

Gabor Mate

I quite agree with Dr. Gabor Mate`s idea on parenting. Too often we see parents that just want to be their child`s best friend, but when you are 5 years old you need guidance and protection, not a friend. I find this to be very common among divorced parents. Both parents want to be their child`s best friend, and the child ends up rebelling and pushing boundaries to the extreme because they don`t know where those boundaries are. All in all it is not healthy, not saying parents should be drill seargents, but they should definedly not be the best friend.

This view is also similar to Max Van Manen`s book "The tone of teaching" which said that teacher`s should be loving and authoritative not the best friend. It also talks about seeing the child for who they really are, not for what is seen on the surface.

Hyper parents and coddled kids

This video talks about how parents are so overprotective of their children, and also so extreme with putting their children into every sport, and advanced classes available.

First let`s talk about the extreme parents that put their kids into everything.

Is it really healthy to put your children into every possible sport, class possible? I understand that children are sponges and retain information very well, but how much is too much? I think children should be able to choose what they are put into, and encouraged and supported in whatever they enroll in. Not pushed to be a superchild at everything.

Next let`s talk about overprotective parents

These parents are the one`s that wìll not even let their children play in the backyard, won`t let them walk to school, or dress themselves. I do not think it is possible to learn independence, and responsibility if you are coddled to the point of insanity. We learn from experience, so putting full body gear and a rope on our children is not going to help them learn the dangers of real life. We all trip and fall, and run into a stranger, but if we are not put into these situations we cannot possibly know how to react to these situations in real life. Children are perfect learners and need to explore. I think that the media they receive such as violent television, and pornographic websites should be restriced, but not being able to play in the backyard has taken it a step too far.

Our parents let us play out in the road, and across the street at the local playground, we did not end up kidnapped or forever mentally scarred. So why should we coddle our children like they are an ancient artifact that should be kept in a glass box. LET YOUR KIDS OFF THE LEASH, let them learn initiative.

Mr. D

I liked this video and wanted to talk about the different communication styles present in the episode watched in class. First we have Mr. D being ever competitive in his conflict management style, every situation is a competition where he has to assert superiority. At the end of the episode we see Mr. D using a compromise to try and relate to "glasses" a girl on his basketball team when instead of telling her how to score a basketball, he helps her score. In the episode Mr.D using influence to try and recruit a girl from another team, he offers her parents a scholarship.

I think Mr. Nellis likes this T.V. episode so much because Mr. D looks like him and is goofy like him. :)

Peterson/Heinz Wedding entrance

I really enjoy this video and think it is an ultimate twist on the traditional marriage. I also feel that this couple is not very religous and quite modern! Love it

Terms for Mate selection

Continuum
autonomous marriage (choosing your mate)
arranged marriage (having no choice over who you marry)

Propinquity
we marry those in our close proximity

Homogamy
marrying people that are similar to us with their beliefs and values.

The filter model
1. pool of eligibles
2. gender preference
3. propinquity
4. endogamy vs. exogamy
5. homogamy
6. value and role similarity
7. cohabitation, engagement

I am going to put these stages into examples
1. 7 billion people in the world
2. male or female
3. sex ratio in the community
4. people within a group or outside
5. choosing people like us
6. believing in religion
7. living together.

I completely agree with these stages, and think there is no other way to go through these stages. However I would add a stage called propinquity, which says dating people that either live near us or that we meet on the internet, because this is a very popular way of mate selection today.

Larson`s Model of the Development of Love

Larson`s model of Love talks about the different stages through which couples pass through to fulfill intimacy. Throught these stages we go from a low positive affect to the highest positive affect.
The stages are as follows`
1. Limited Rapport- Someone has characteristics that you admire
2. Rapport- Being comfortable around someone
3. Limited Transparency- Feeling comfortable telling someone secrets, and showing your true self.
4. Creative Interdependency- Your first priority is the relationship you have.
5 Crucial Transparency- Baring ones soul to the other
6. Self-Discovery- Learning about oneself through the relationship
7. Vital Transparency- Having unconditional love for one another.

In regards to the relationship I am currently in I find myself between the creative interdependency and crucial transparency stage, which is the farthest I have been in a relationship.

However this model I think should not be put in stages as I find myself going through numerous stages at the same time. As I am a very outgoing extrovert I share everything about myself even to friends, and with my closest friends my first priority is maintaining that relationship.

In this current generation I do not think many couples reach the vital transparency stage, because if more people did there would be less divorce in the world. That is not the case, as divorce is an ever increasing phenomenom.

Sext Up Kids

Today we watched a video called Sext Up Kids and it really struck a nerve with me! In the video it talked about children wanting to look older and the every increasing pressure to be sexy as a young girl. Even children`s idols like Miley Cyrus are so sexually permissive that it makes it impossible to ignore the stars and their intentions.


One shocking thing was how much young boys are looking up porn! What happened to parental restrictions on computers?!


This film really upset me. There is no reason for a young child to want to look like a model and behave like a porn star. I feel as though boys just expect young girls to be open and accepting of behaving like sluts. It is almost as if the girls don`t add up to their expectations there`s something wrong with them!


What happened to childhood? Playing in the dirt, dressing like a child, those are the things that should be emphasized as a younger person. Not being overtly concerned with looks and impressing the opposite sex.


I think that children should have to be 16 and show I.D. to be able to purchase magazines that portray females as objects. Which is basically any magazine geared to women at all. Furthermore I think younger girls should have restricted access to computers, and programs that could be harmful to their self esteem. We are in a very technologically advanced generation, there is no reason why we can`t make those types of restrictions to protect our youth. RAWR!!

4 functions of Dating (skipper and nass)

This lesson talked about the functions of dating today:
1. Recreation
2. Socialization
3. Status Achievement
4. Mate Selection


I think these are the only reasons people date. I also think that up until the end of high school people are mainly dating for recreation, socialization and status achievement. However when we finish school the main reason is either status achievement and mate selection. When we are in school we just look for someone to hangout with, and someone to make us look more popular.


In this lesson we also talked about when girls and guys have the upper hand in getting mates. For girls it is 20 years old and males it is much older. This is because girls are at our peak of attractiveness at 20 and men are most successful when much older.


Finally we talked about the article in Time Magazine that asked the question Is it time to stop waiting for Mr. Right? I would like to discuss this question in more detail.


First we must ask the question who is Mr. Right? Is he the guy from romance movies that is super romantic and moves the stars for you? What about the guy who is a bad ass with a wicked body? Or someone who is super wealthy? Or just that one guy that makes your heart sink everytime he is around?


Next we must wonder if the standards we have are just absurd? Also if we have these ridiculously high expectations of our husband, what if that guy has the same ridiculous standards? Do we measure up to his expectations?


Finally we must realize that if we are eternally searching for this guy, we might end up being allone forever, or not find him until we are old and not as sexually desirable.


I think if you cannot stand something about someone to the point that it makes you not attracted to them, then you should move onto so something else. Also if your partner is abusive in any way, do not stay with him even if he is rich, attractive, famous or whatever. As humans we all have flaws, and to expect someone to have no flaws is unrealistic. If someone makes you happy, and there is nothing about them that makes you want to pull out your hair then stay with them.


One man a long time ago told me that the key to a successful marriage is to marry your best friend, not some hot, rich, jerk. :)

Erik Erikson

Erik Erikson believed that during early to middle adulthood (20-30 years old) we go through a stage of tension where we are searching for social relationships after leaving the household. We change our attention from our family to finding a significant other, if we don’t find someone; we aren’t developing in a healthy way.

So this leads me to my life! What does my dating life look like you ask? Well I will tell you. I have been dating since I was very young, and find myself pretty much incomplete without a boyfriend. I think some people just need to be in a relationship to be happy. I have learned a lot about myself through my relationships with others, and am now aware of what I do and do not want in a relationship. I recently found someone that I am very happy with and have been spending most of my time away from home with him.

It is very hard in my opinion to meet people once you leave high school. You no longer have that vast network of eligible’s that you see everyday. You have to find other methods to find a mate. Some ways to find a mate could include the pubs, sports teams, the beach, miscellaneous sports, and college.

Finally we will talk about the main purpose of dating in present society. In my opinion today’s youth date for recreational purposes. We just want someone to hangout with, to share feelings with, and to experiment with. We use this person to find our likes and dislikes, and as a middle point on our path to ultimately finding our mate in adulthood.

The Protestant Work Ethic

The Protestant Work Ethic is the degree to which poverty is a moral failure. The key sociologist in this view is Max Weber who wrote the book “The protestant ethic, and the spirit of capitalism.”


In Weber’s book Jean Calvin, a Protegan Theologist, talked about predestination. Predestination is the idea that “our destinies are pre determined” and God knows our fate.

This brought about the protestant church, which wanted to interpret the bible in its own way. Calvin believed that God would give us signs of whether we were determined to be great. These signs were wealth and success, to get this, people worked harder to be wealthy so that they would have more success. This was the cause of capitalism.

I think this is a good way to get the economy going. Tell people that predetermined success is shown by wealth and they will work harder to get that.

Families in Poverty

I never realized until this class that there were two definitions of poverty; relative and absolute poverty. I always thought of poverty as being poor, unable to afford the necessities of life, living on the street. Now I know that poverty can be defined as making less than the average Canadian, which isn't too bad.


I would like to go into social inequality and stratification in terms of Habermas' Paradigms.

The first paradigm called Empirical-Analytic, views poverty in terms of hierarchy, and the different levels of socioeconomic status. Although it acknowledges that inequality exists, it doesn’t do anything about it.

Second there is the Critical Theoretic Paradigm that talks about the notion of class. It sees society as being structured by conflict and values Karl Marx as its main theorist. The view of this Paradigm that made me question society was that why can someone work so hard and not become any wealthier? If you are hard working, you should be able to get yourself out of the slums of society.

The last Paradigm is the Situational Interpretive which looks at poverty through individuals’ lived experiences.

Another thing was the influences that cause poverty. Macro level causes including the countries minimum wages, and micro level causes like education level and employability. I strongly believe that if you are poor in Canada there are many resources available to help you get your life back on track, and anyone who is poor just isn’t trying. However I have never been in poverty, and have always had a strong network of support around me. I think it is sad that the working poor can’t make enough to get out of poverty. This upsets me.

I think money has been so emphasized in our society that we place it above many things. It comes in between marriages and families. One suggestion that I would put in place for immigrants would be firstly free English lessons, and then phone numbers that they can call to get a job. If you are leaving your country to escape poverty, Canada should by now have the resources to help you live comfortably.

Rob proposed an interesting statement in class; “Families who are poor have no one to blame but themselves”. I would like to go into this a little. Some families who are poor should blame themselves if their poverty is a result of addictions, or maladaptive behaviors. Single mothers on the other hand are not to blame at all. They can work as hard as possible and not have enough to take care of however many children they have. Also widowed families are not to blame, as they may have been left with a mountain of debt that they will never hope to repay. Those are my opinions on poverty and families in poverty.

Ancient Hebrew

In Israel the earliest description of marriage comes from the book of genesis. It was highly patriarchal where the man ruled the household. There were four functions of the household:

1. Inheritance of property/ Israel's land teneur. 

2. Centre of judicial law and justice. Man served as the judge

3. Centre of dyadic instruction 

4. Maintained Israel's relation to god. 

As you can observe, the patriarch was responsible for pretty much every aspect of his children's lives. As a result of this the kids will grow up strongly engrained with their father's values and opinions. They will be set in their ways and raise their family the way they were raised.

In Rome it was a slightly different story. It was still patriarchal however there was more equality for women then in Israel. In Jesus view marriage was about respect, affection, and permanence. In 3 century A.D. celibacy and virginity was really importance. Then in 4 century A.D. they viewed marriage as permanent and only allowed for divorce if there was infidelity. I agree with the 4 century view of marriage. I don't think people should break up just because they are unhappy, I think marriage should be permanent, because when you first get married you are told it is permanent. If you go into a marriage knowing it is permanent then it should stay that way. 

My parents are a perfect example of this. They have stayed together through thick and thin, and have seen eachother's rock bottom and still persevered through it as a team. They stayed together for my sister and I but in the end it strengthened their marriage to a whole new level.

Open Marriage

Open Marriage

How do I feel about the open marriage culture? To be honest I find it unfair. Why should one be able to sleep with whoever they want and be still classified as married or tied down? I think the whole purpose of marriage is to be completely faithful to one, and only one person. And what happens if one person gets feelings for another person and decides to divorce their spouse? Do they then marry a new spouse and continue the lifestyle? Why not then stay single? And prevent having to be tied down to one person. The couple should just be swingers and stay single.

I understand that in the Stone Age, being monogamous was probably unheard of. However we have developed as a species to experience jealousy. If we could sleep with whoever we wanted there would be no purpose for marriage, and jealousy would almost always be a factor. 

To be completely honest I think open marriage is caused by either one member of the relationships selfishness or one member being a push over. It is not fair to one person in almost every situation. One man wrote a book on open marriage and in his 30 years of counselling open marriages, not one out of 5000 marriages had longevity like non open marriages. 

I hope my marriage is like my grandparents marriage. Long, happy, stable and full of triumphs over conflict. I hope to be married only once and put my 100% into making it work. If my effort isn’t enough I would go to marriage counselling for as long as possible and only if my spouse broke it off would I allow the marriage to end. It takes a great deal of commitment to make a marriage last, and it’s not an easy road, but it is a battle I would go into whole heartedly. 

Intergenerational Change Activity

My family is quite different from my grandparents’ families. I have only one sibling a mom and a dad whereas all of my grandparents had no less that 5 siblings. I think society used to be a lot more family orientated then it is today. In the present it seems like society is mainly concerned with instant gratification, popularity, and wealth which changes the whole dynamic of the family. My family is also different in that my sister and I did not grow up on a farm or in the country, where a lot of work was required to uphold the household. My grandparents all lived on farms at least in their early childhood. This caused them to be the hard, determined workers that are an asset in any work force. I sometimes wish that I had grown up on a farm so that I could value the importance of hard work. I have a very strong work ethic already, but knowing what it’s like to work super hard every day, would come in handy when I enter the work force. 

Kinship, Continuity, and Change

        Kin is the relation to someone by love or marriage. My family is very complex and I would like to take this section to try and explain my whole family to you! Okay so there is my mom and dad, simple enough, then it gets complicated. My dad was adopted as a baby, and recently met his biological mother. This means that I have 2 sets of grandparents on my dad’s side of the family. Next we have my mom’s mom who was also adopted. So in total I have 4 sets of grand/great grandparents. I have 5 aunts and 2 uncles, and so many cousins I cannot begin to count. For many years members of my extended family lived with us (this resembles the pre-modern family according to William Goode). We are all very close; however the members that live far away are seen the least. I love all my family and I don’t think I would be the person I am today if it weren’t for the extensive unit I call family. I have grown up around many different opinions, personalities, and values. This forces me to have an open mind, and appreciate everyone’s ideas. I wouldn’t trade my family for the world. My grandparents all came from extremely large families of many siblings, creating this massive network that I am a part of.

Macrosystem theories

There are 3 macrosystem theories that were discussed in class. The first is the conflict theory which basically says that we are always in conflict and there will always be a winner/loser. Engels wrote a book about the family and the state, and talked about how hunter-gatherers turned into agricultural society. Then to fix sexual exclusivity and transfer of wealth, they got married. 

The next macrosystem theory is feminism. Feminism has been around since the 20th century and is forever changing its view. So far there are 4 waves of feminism, and I am sure there will be more to come. The fourth wave is interesting to me because it is about a global effort to build peace. Which I thought was the view or other theories, and even some political parties. 

The final macro-system theory is the ecological theory which talks about the balance of society and its need to balance itself out. 

If I could add a theory it would be the hippie theory. This theory would talk about the importance of relaxation and meditation. It would ensure that everyone got a massage once a week for free! Society would value the importance of kindness, and open mindedness. Society would also value the land, and put a complete end to drugs and alcohol except marijuana! :)

The World's Strictest Parents

“The World’s Strictest Parents”? More like the good parenting versus lazy parenting.

This video basically shows that if you set boundaries and follow through with them, your children will behave. It also makes a mockery of the parents that couldn’t raise their kids properly. This video once again confirms my beliefs about parents in the present; their lack of effort. Contemporary parents are more likely to try and be their child’s friend as opposed to their parent. In this TV show traditional parenting ultimately prevails. A blend of the two parenting styles would result in a more friendly relationship with the children. However children do not need a friend; they have plenty at school, they need a parent to set rules.

Inclusive Definitions

Inclusive definitions avoid the term "normal families" as being a mom, dad, and child. Instead they use the term family to describe the wide variety of possibilities that can be considered a family. Anywhere from same sex marriages, to open marriages with children etc is considered a family. It examines all relationships, where a feeling of connection is present. I felt silly when Rob stated that all Disney families aren’t nuclear families. After all my years of watching Disney movies, one would think I would have noticed this trend already. I would think that being such a big corporation, responsible for so many children’s films, they would try to create a stereotypical nuclear family.  

Brene Brown

I have written about Brene Brown before but wanted to expand my opinion on her thoughts, and studies. Brene talks about vulnerability and its effect on personal happiness. She emphasizes the importance of allowing oneself to mess up, and to not be perfect all the time. If you are constantly living in fear of messing up, you never allow yourself the opportunity for happiness. Also you must believe you are worth of belonging. When you believe you are worthy of belonging you find compassion, connection and whole-heartedness.

One aspect of Brene’s speech that intrigued me was the idea of selective numbing. Selective numbing is the idea that when you’re upset or have deep seeded issues, you try to numb the sadness you are experiencing. However this is not possible. When you engage in drugs or alcohol you numb not only all emotions, but cognitive and motor functioning as well. I find it extremely sad when emotionally damaged individuals engage in risky behavior to try and numb their sorrow. I have a friend that had a terrible childhood, and found it absolutely necessary to get drunk to the point of blackout every weekend to cope with sadness.

In the long run, dealing with your problems by use of substances, or risky behavior is more damaging internally, then going to a professional to work through your problems. Substance use is only effective in the short term, where-as using constructive means is beneficial in the long term

Definition of Families

One concept that we talked in class was the phenomenological definition of the family. I really enjoy the movie Avatar and found it interesting to hear about it in my Fam class. The recurring saying “I see you”, in Avatar is the idea of looking at the world through one’s own eyes. Seeing someone as they are not as society defines them. This is the idea of seeing someone not as a pretty face, or a collection of physical features, but there soul, and there inner person. I think this is something that people in North America have trouble doing. We often find it hard to work past outer flaws to see an inner person. 

Families

3 assumptions

1)   Families are primarily responsible for the reproduction and nurtured of children.

2)   Families are primarily responsible for the establishment of social identity.

3)   Families are the primary source of intimacy and need fulfillment.

I like these assumptions and think they should be guidelines for every parent. I also think parents should be responsible for teaching kids right from wrong, in regards to morals and the law. School can only teach kids so much, and often by the time a child enters school, they already have morals formed.

Shyness

I love this short film! Shyness is about 3 shy kids in elementary school, all who are shy. There are 2 boys and 1 girl. Then the video goes on to talk about the dangers of being shy, and how if you are shy as a child you will forever be doomed to a shy adulthood, alone, without friends or a partner. I find this quite amusing, seeing as there are many functional shy adults that do just fine, and have a partner.

When the video explores why the kids are shy it blames the parents for 2 out of 3. The 3^rd child is fine just the way he is, and would just rather be alone.

This video strongly supports my previous beliefs about bad parenting, and its effect on children. I think that almost all dysfunctional children are a direct result of bad parenting. Even if the child has a mental disorder, the parents should be responsible for getting help. I think parents nowadays are more concerned with being their children’s friend instead of a role model, and a rule setter. This results in kids that do not have boundaries, and are used to instant gratification. Therefore they partake in risky behaviors to satisfy that instant gratification. If it was up to me I would make sure all adults take a test before they have children. A parent certificate would be mandatory for all parents. :D

Habermas' Paradigms

I see we meet again Habermas! Your Paradigms seem to follow me throughout the years at RDC! However this time I have learned new things about you!


1st perspective
Empirical-Analytic- This theory has stayed mostly the same as I knew it last year. It is the scientific way of viewing things using scientific methods.


2nd perspective
Critical Theoretic- This theory has changed a bit from the first time I learnt it. Before I thought it was mostly about conflict, and its place in society. Now I have learned it is mostly a conspiracy theorist perspective. That the surface of things is an illusion, and that the hidden reality is unjust.


3rd perspective
Situational Interpretive- This theory has also stayed the same. It views the world, and issues through feelings, and lived experiences. It neglects the scientific study of some things that can only be explained through feelings.

I tend to base my opinions off of my feelings and lived experiences. However if I am proven wrong by scientific study, or facts, I will often accept these views. If it is something that I am very passionate about such as family, I will definitely follow my heart.

What makes a good family?

I liked the first discussion asking what do we think a good family consists of?
Is a family only considered a family if it consists of a husband, wife and a child?
What about two males and a child? Or two females and a child? are these not families?


I never thought about the different classifications of the family until this discussion. Also that a family could also be a group of people not blood related in the slightest. Such as a community, or a tribe supporting children. I would even go as far as to classify rescued animals and their zoo keeps as a family. 


When it is so hard to classify what you can even consider a family, it must be even harder to study those implicated as being "families".


My family consists of a husband/wife, my sister and I. Which has became much less the norm in the 20th century. It used to be the law that a wife is stuck with her husband no matter what. Now North American society is just as quick to drop their spouse, as they are to change socks. I am curious if divorced families have negative effects on the children in those families, and what about single parent families?

Written from Disneyland :D